Guilty
by PhineasFlynns
Summary: Cassie feels guilty. She feels like if she hadn't moved to Chance Harbor, then her friends would have better lives.


Anger. Hatred. Loss. Those three emotions stood out vastly from the confusing and mind numbing array of emotions flowing through her head. She felt guilty as well. Mind and body numbing guilt. She blamed herself; it was an easy thing to do. Everything bad was her fault in one way or another. She was slowly beginning to hate herself, and she couldn't fight it. She felt like she was the epicentre of

everything bad that happened to her and her friends.

Everything awful, was somehow her fault.

Adam constantly tried to tell her it wasn't her fault, and she desperately wanted to believe him. But, everything had only gone downhill for the group once she had moved to Chance Harbour after her mothers gruesome and untimely death.

Diana told her that it was because they needed her to bind the circle, and the bound circle attracted attention. Melissa didn't really have a say, and neither did Jake. Surprisingly enough, Faye tried to help as well, telling her it wasn't her fault and that they all still loved her.

Cassie wished with all of her heart she could believe them, but some small part of her was holding her back. Oh, how she loathed that part. Her blue eyes, glistening with unshed tears, traced the cracks in the ceiling, and counted the star stickers bove her head.

Her fingers moved with skilled presicion across her cellphones keyboard, sending a message to Adam to say she was fine. She knew he wouldn't believe her, and was hoping he would show up.

Her hair, usually golden blonde, silky, and bouncy was dry and dull, faded away into something that looked sickly. It had lost it's curl, and just hung there limply over her shoulders. Her usually sparkling eyes had dulled to a muted grey, and her skin was pale white due to lack of sunlight.

Her fingers moved to fiddle with the hem of the nightgown she had been wearing for three days. She couldn't bring herself to look in the mirror anymore; all she saw was the person that ruined her friends' lives. She hadn't eaten in days, proved by her thinner than usual body.

Cassie sighed, forcing herself to roll onto her side. Her skin, dry and cracked, glistened in the light and she grunted and moved out of the sun's path. The crystalline drops finally overflowed and Cassie closed her eyes in submission.

Her arms ached, thin red scars travelling vertically across her arm all the way up to her elbow. Her entire being screamed sickness, and was begging her to get up, but she couldn't and wouldn't.

There was no doubt about it, Cassie Blake was troubled. She wanted, no, needed help, but was too ashamed to ask her friends for it. She knew if she did, they would be at her side in a heartbeat, and it made her feel immensely guilty.

"If I hadn't moved here" It burned to move her dry cracked lips, her lips splitting freshly at every word formed "Then Nick would still ba alive... and so would Grandma" blood was dripping from the cracks in her lips "So many lives would have been spared, if not for me"

"What about us?" A soft voice asked from the doorway. Adam Conant was also troubled, but for different reasons than his best friend and girlfriend. He only blamed himself for how Cassie was feeling.

His hair was messy and dirty, his eyes didn't shine, and he had massive begs under them from the huge lack of sleep. Cassie did as well, but they were hidden by her white skin.

His lips were cracked, though not as severely as Cassie's. He had to at least attempt to make his dad believe he was fine.

Cassie flicked her gaze to look at him. Her eyes were windows to her tormented soul, and Adam felt the guilt piling on his shoulders.

"What about you guys?" her lips cracked further, and he slowly walked over, pulling a kleenex out of the box beside her bed. He leaned forward and gently wiped the blood of her mangled lips and frowned at her

"Did you ever think how different our lives would be without you?"

"yes" she whispered "They would be better"

He shook his head. He knew with every fibre of his being, that he was meant to be with Cassie. He never would have been truley happy without her. He had thought he had been happy with Diana, but what he had felt with her was absoloutly nothing compared to what he felt with Cassie.

"That's not true" he took a few moments to voice his thoughts "I know, with every fibre of my being, that we are meant to be together"

"If I hadn't come, Nick wouldn't be dead. Neither would grandma"

"You don't know that, Cassie. Shit happens, none of that was your faut. Charles and Dawn killed Nick, and they were just trying to drown the demon. And Jane is dead because of your father. You know that. Jane and Charles were going to kill him using a witches cruid, and Blackwell had changed it around. He messed with Charles' head and tricked him into thinking it was still his"

"My father wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me"

"You don't know that. He would have found another way in, maybe used Diana instead of you. And if you werent here, we would all be dead Cassie"

Cassie was silent and Adam gripped her hand gently

"Come with me. I want to show you something"

Adam was silent as he drove to wherever he was taking Cassie -she assumed it was the Boathouse- and he kept sending her strange glances. She had dressed in skinny jeans and flats with a baggy sweater to hide most of her skin from public. She didn't want people to know something was wrong with her. Nobody needed to know, except Adam.

When they arrived he walked around the car and opened the door for her, helping her out. He ended up having to support most of her weight as they walked as she was unable to balance properly. When they walked in she was immediately ambushed by Diana, Melissa, Faye and Jake, whom all hugged her.

"What's this?" she asked curiously

"Cassie, we love you. And we are here for you. None of anything that has happened is your fault, I promise. Everything happens for a reason, none of it was because of you" Diana said gently, taking her adoptive sister's hands in her own.

The other three nodded their agreement

"If you need to talk, just call one of us" Faye said softly, wrapping her arms around her friend "My phone is always on, and I promise not to be mad if you call at a horrid hour"

Cassie couldn't fight the small grin that graced her lips, and every one of her friends beamed in response. It felt good to hadn't done it in so long she had forgotten how, and what it was like.

Staring at her friends smiling faces and feeling Adam's hand grasped in her own securely Cassie knew that they really did love her, and they really were there for her. She felt as if a large weight had been lifted off of her chest, and was very grateful.

She knew, that with her friends by her side, she would be okay, and she could get better. She WOULD get better. And she knew that if something was her fault, they would tell her, and then they would move on, as a Circle. As Friends. Best friends. They would stay strong and together, like a family.


End file.
